


It's a little bit funny

by suyari



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, howard and tony are brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suyari/pseuds/suyari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Bucky really wishes the Alphabet worked differently. Or that they’d change it up every other year and work their way from the back. Anything that would have had ‘Rogers, Steven’ coming <i>before</i> ‘Barnes, James’. Then, maybe he could have convinced the hat to let them into the same house. Sure, his family would have had a <i>fit</i> - a Barnes in Gryffindor! - but he could have gotten around all this hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a little bit funny

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a drabble in response to a Tumblr comment. Somehow it became this.

Sometimes Bucky really wishes the Alphabet worked differently. Or that they’d change it up every other year and work their way from the back. Anything that would have had ‘Rogers, Steven’ coming _before_ ‘Barnes, James’. Then, maybe he could have convinced the hat to let them into the same house. Sure, his family would have had a _fit_ \- a Barnes in Gryffindor! - but he could have gotten around all this hell. 

“BARNES!!!” shrieks some kid pinned for look out duty Bucky doesn’t have time for. Natasha’s already on him anyway. Clint’s got the kid in the back. Bucky stalks all the way up to the kid he’s just disarmed and cursed to vomit six different kinds of slimy creatures for a week and does him the indignity of punching him in the face. 

Steve gets up, dusting at his robes. “I had it handled, Buck!” he huffs, face flushed and tie over one shoulder. 

“Shut up, Rogers!” he snaps, grabbing him by the tie and dragging him off into an alcove. 

Steve stumbles after him, furious as anything, but unable to do much in the face of forward momentum. He grunts as his back connects with the wall, even if he’s the one who shoves himself against it, and jerks his face away as Bucky crouches down to look at him. 

“Did they hurt you?” 

“Buck, I’m not a kid anymore! We’re third years, I can handle it myself!”

“Answer the question, Steve!”

“Why, so you can ruin some kid’s life because they don’t agree with my parentage?!” 

“No, so I can remind people why they need to leave you alone,” he replies through his teeth. 

“I can do it myself,” Steve replies, wiping his nose and shoving ineffectually at Bucky’s chest. “Just leave me alone.” 

“Steve-”

“You okay, Steve?” someone says loudly. They both step sideways. Peggy Carter and her little band of Gryffindor commandos are waiting, almost amped up for a fight. Her arms are crossed, her foot tapping. 

“Yeah,” he says, pushing himself off the wall and past Bucky. “Fine, we were just talking.” 

Bucky inhales deeply and releases it through his nose and tries to remember that he can’t take on the world for their varying views on his best friend. 

Natasha and Clint find their way back to him and they disappear before anyone can show up to try and discipline them for it. The kids know better than to squeal on Bucky’s group. 

~*~

They’re fifteen when Steve decides he’s going to try out for Quidditch and somehow ends up the captain. Bucky is entirely unsettled with the turn of events and regularly stalks team practices convinced Steve is going to fall from his broom or crash into something and end his idiotic, adrenaline fueled life. 

The same year Hogwarts participates in an exchange program that ends with an entire group of Asgardian students being sorted into their houses for the “Midgardian experience”. Thor and Steve hit it off like a fire charm and a first year’s robes and it becomes a regular sight to see his tiny best friend and the mountain of a blond walking together. At first Bucky thinks no one is stupid enough to try and pick on Steve with Thor around. 

On a Thursday, after leaving History of Magic, Bucky and his friends have to jump back as a sixth year goes flying across the quad. He hits a tree, taking off a branch for nearly going through it, and slumps to the ground. Thor stalks across the green expanse with murder in his eyes and Steve running behind him, robes flapping. He doesn’t look exasperated like he does when Bucky comes to save him. He looks scared. 

“What’s going on?” Bucky asks, grabbing Steve and dragging him into the circle of his protection as he goes by. 

“You know how people can be,” Steve says, out of breath. He winces, dropping a hand to Bucky’s shoulder and slumping over, the other hand to his side. “He...he...And Thor...He…” 

“Steve, _breathe_.”

Thor grabs the kid by the ankle and drags him bodily back toward them, depositing him at Steve’s feet. “Apologise,” he commands. 

The sixth year looks up at them all, eyes slightly wild, mostly hazy with what Bucky thinks is probably a concussion. “S-sorry,” he slurs. 

“He has a **name** ,” Thor booms. 

“S-sorry..R-roogers.”

A heavy sigh comes from Bucky’s left and he turns to his new roommate. 

“Brother,” Loki says in a way that sounds like this is a common occurrance. “We’ve talked about this.”

Thor crosses his arms, turning to look at them before frowning. His entire posture goes from defensive and unremorseful to concerned in one fluid motion. “Steve?” he asks, laying a hand low against Steve’s back, fingers just barely brushing Bucky’s. “Are you alright? Did they hurt you?” Thor turns so quickly all Bucky sees is Loki lunge for his brother’s arm as Steve flails one of his own. The screaming and wild pounding of feet makes him raise a brow to his friends. Natasha and Clint disappear into the crowd. 

“He gets like this sometimes,” Bucky says, drawing one of Steve’s arms about his shoulders. Steve shuffles and leans heavily into him. “We just have to-” 

His brain doesn’t automatically process how his arms got empty. It takes a solid moment to realize that Thor took Steve from him and is carrying him as if he weighs nothing, off down the path. Bucky hurries after him, something churning in his gut he can’t name. 

“Wait!” he shouts, catching up and grabbing Thor’s arm. “The Infirmary’s _that_ way.”

“Yes, and you said he ‘gets like this sometimes’,” Thor countered. “So I do not believe your medicine is doing him any good. He will see my private physician.” 

“You can’t just-”

“There’s no use arguing with him,” Loki says, falling into step with them. “He’s bull headed, but he’s right in this instance. Besides, I’m sure your nurse is lovely, but our father sent us with the best. He wouldn’t risk his only heirs after all, peaceful exchange or no.” 

Something about the way he says ‘peaceful’ makes Bucky’s hair stand on end. “The school’s full of wealth and privilege buddy,” he snaps. “Don’t act like-”

“Your highness!!”

Bucky blinks. 

“My friend is in need of your healing gifts!” Thor says, raising Steve a little. 

“Of course, right this way!”

Loki just smiles in a way that makes Bucky want to rip it off his face. Royalty or no. 

~*~

“Merlin, Cap!” squeaks Howard Stark. “What the hell happened to _you_?!”

His brother Tony gives Steve that playboy smile of his and Bucky feels his blood pressure rise. 

“Thor’s physician happened to him!” Bucky snaps, shoving Steve at the brothers. “Fix it!” 

“Aww, Buck,” Steve says, turning around. He gives him the face. The one with the eyes and the lip and why the fuck does it still work so well when he’s fucking taller than him now?! “Come on!” 

“Don’t you 'aww Buck' me! Some lunatic just-just...Tony stop touching him like that!” He slaps the younger’s hand away. Tony doesn’t look the least bit reprimanded. Howard looks like he can’t believe he didn’t think of doing it first. Steve seems to have absolutely no idea he’s been manhandled. 

“It’s for research purposes!” Tony defends. 

“Where’s Bruce?” Bucky demands, needing a rational mind. 

“He said something about his sanity and left,” Howard supplies, wand trailing all too suggestively down the center of Steve’s chest. 

Bucky’s eyes widen and he uses his own wand to force it away. Points it at Steve. “You! With me! Now!” Points it at the brothers. “You two! Figure this out.” And grabbing Steve by the wrist, he drags him back out. 

Steve lets him until the door shuts then plants his feet. Bucky, unaccustomed to the sensation, almost faceplants, before ending up springing backward and collapsing into Steve’s - Merlin help him - chest. Steve wraps both arms around him, pinning him - actually pinning him! - there. “Buck, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean ‘ _what’s wrong_ ’?!” he replies. “Have you _looked_ at yourself?!”

“Yeah, I did. I like it.”

“Of _course_ you like it,” he grumbles under his breath. 

“Come on, Bucky, what’s this really about?”

“Steve, look at what they did to you!”

“I know. It’s amazing, right?”

He’s tempted to thump his head against Steve’s chest but decides against it, because, well...he has no idea if he could injure himself on it now or not. “No, Steve. It’s unnatural. It could be unhealthy. We have to fix it. We have to-”

“There’s nothing wrong with me now, Bucky.”

“There wasn’t anything wrong with you _before_!!”

“Bucky, please...can’t you just...be happy for me? You’re my best friend! Now...now you don’t have to worry about me so much. And ‘saving’ me. You can just...be you. And I can be me.” 

Bucky knows what Steve means, of course he does. Steve’s only been complaining about being a ‘burden’ as long as Bucky’s known him. Somehow, no matter what he said or did, he’s never been able to convince him of the truth - that that just wasn’t the case. And that, well, he did the things he did for Steve because...because… 

“Fine!” he says, shoving at him. “Be a stupid Gryffindor hero. See how much I care.”

Steve tilts his head, trying to smile at him. 

“Just don’t come to me when you break your neck,” he shoots, walking away so he doesn’t have to look at him anymore. 

~*~

Steve’s mother is ecstatic. She doesn’t get angry or cause an uproar as Bucky’d half hoped. She instead takes Steve’s transformation as a sign. Thor becomes a permanent fixture in the Rogers home and Bucky feels regularly nauseous whenever he visits, so he starts doing it less often. 

Sixth year goes by in a blur. There’s a lot going on and Steve is popular now which makes it easy to dodge him. Steve tries to go around it by sending him owls, but Bucky doesn’t open any of them, instead throwing them in his trunk. Steve gets fed up and sends him a howler, but Bucky’s an old hat at howlers and it fizzles out soundlessly in the great hall, though he knows Steve too well - there’d have been nothing of interest in it anyway. 

His parents don’t take to the disconnect well as their mothers are as close as sisters. And Bucky finds himself dragged over to the Rogers house as often as his mother can manage it. But the visits are sprung as randomly on the Rogers as they are on him so they generally work out in his favor. And he’s careful to never make eye contact with Steve when they are leaving as he happens to be coming home. 

Seventh year finds Bucky entirely too far ahead in his studies and more alone than he’d been expecting, as Natasha and Clint are as close to Steve as ever. They know better than to bring him up around Bucky though, which has put a strain on their relationships. And also should have been his first clue. 

“You’ve been ducking me, Barnes,” says a gruff voice from the center of his bed. 

His wand is out and pointed but there’s no curse on his lips. His heart already knows it isn’t needed. Natasha and Clint are going to pay for this dearly. “What do you want Steve?”

“I’m looking for a guy,” he says, untangling ridiculously long legs and getting up. “Used to be my best friend. About this tall. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Always ready to come down on somebody giving me the slightest amount of shit.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s not here. I’m sure you can show yourself out.” 

Steve is pressed against him in the next moment, forcing him back against the wall. Bucky fails to hold his breath at the right moment, inhaling Steve deeply, all too close. It feels like a curse to the gut, and he swallows thickly, forcing himself further back. Steve follows. “ _Talk_ to me, Buck.” 

Bucky turns his face away, not wanting to do this now. Not wanting to do this ever. 

“Bucky, please.”

His jaw flexes as he bites down. 

Steve exhales a sigh so heavy, the rush of it sends thrills down Bucky’s spine. He drops his brow to Bucky’s shoulder, arms going around him. “I miss you,” he mumbles into his robes. Takes a deep breath in. Turns his head so his nose is against Bucky’s skin and does it again. “I miss you so much, Buck.” His voice is breathless and raspy and there’s a tremble to his limbs. Bucky can feel him swallow against him. “Well,” he says after a moment, drawing away slightly. Bucky’s chest aches and it’s an effort to keep his arms at his sides. “In for a knut, in for a galleon.” He doesn’t have time to wonder what he means by it, because Steve’s barely moved away before his mouth is on his. 

His eyes widen, mouth dropping open in shock. Steve moans, opening his own. His eyes are closed, and Bucky’s flutter halfway as their tongues meet. Some part of his brain is screaming at him that this is clearly not happening. Another can’t believe they haven’t been doing this for much, much longer. 

As soon as he’s kissing back, Steve presses into him. Limbs start winding everywhere and the next thing he knows, Steve’s lifting him up. He winds both legs and arms around him and drags him as close as he can. A year of separation and frustration and missing one another so desperately coupled with the frantic rut of their bodies takes care of things pretty quickly. 

Bucky would probably be more upset that Steve could still move after if it weren’t for the fact that it also got him to the bed. Steve collapses back and they’re a sprawl of tangled mess. Steve is trying not to grin that blindingly stupid smile of his which is making it difficult for Bucky to stay focused. 

“I knew you loved me,” he says. 

Bucky groans and rolls his eyes. “Stop being an idiot, I’m still angry at you for being an idiot.” 

Steve just smiles wider. Tilts his head in that way that makes all his hair fall across his eyes. “Hey, Buck.” 

He lets himself look, their eyes meeting for the first time in what seems like forever. And he falls, feeling Steve all around him. He’s fairly certain he can hold the grudge forever, though Steve will do his best to chip away at it for the rest of their lives. But he knows he won’t be able to fight it the way he has any more. Not with Steve looking at him like that. He wishes he knew how long Steve’s been looking at him like that. 

Steve pushes himself up enough so they’re face to face. “I love you too,” he says and kisses him again. 

~*~

The school seems relieved that Barnes and Rogers are back together. Bucky learns they have apparently always been together as far as everyone else is concerned. And their ‘break up’ nearly caused at least one riot which he’d missed because he’d stopped going to social events to avoid Steve. 

Steve and their friends gleefully recount the events of the past year for him, and while Bucky doesn’t apologize for being an idiot, he does at least concede to the fact that he may have been avoiding Steve a little bit. Thor, it turns out, was never interested in Steve romantically, as he was also under the impression that Steve and Bucky were - as he put it - pledged to one another. The weight which lifts from Bucky at the news also alerts him to just how amazing Thor is, and how grateful Bucky is that he’d come into their lives. 

By the time they graduate, Steve and Bucky have moved in together and everything is as it should be. Bucky stands at the window, a mug in his hands and smiles at the arms that encircle him and the weight that drops into him from behind. “Come back to bed,” Steve grumbles into his skin. “We have a day off, Buck. Appreciate it. We’re free of Fury for a whole day!”

Bucky grins. “I don’t know, Steve, I may just-” He has to set his mug down as both of Steve’s hands disappear into his pants so he can grip the window ledge. Teeth close around his shoulder as fingers encase him. 

“I said back to bed Auror Barnes.”

“Yes, sir.”

**Author's Note:**

> I made Howard and Tony brothers because I wanted them both in Hogwarts at the same time. No other reason.


End file.
